As you know, Being arrested for a crime can definitely be one of the most traumatic events someone may face in their life. It can also be devastating for loved ones. In the blink of an eye, everything could change for the person being arrested and their family and friends. An arrest is extremely frightening for all involved.
In a flash, someone can go from a free person to a prisoner. Family and loved ones are forced into a new way of living. New prison accessories include handcuffs, chains and a uniform. Independence is stripped away and the arrested person is displaced from their home and separated from family and friends. However, It may feel like you’ve lost everything when you can see your freedom, your future, your identity and your hope slipping out of your hands. What is it like for the loved ones and children involved? Perhaps they’re overwhelmed with despair, fear and helplessness as well.
What to do
Do you know someone who has recently been put into jail? Are you feeling overwhelmed, confused, angry, upset, or depressed? These feelings and emotions are completely normal. Having someone you love to go into jail is an awful situation to experience. It’s as if you’ve lost someone but they are still alive. So you will learn how to cope when a loved one is going to jail
Being arrested or serving a prison sentence doesn’t necessarily have to destroy your life or your family’s lives. If you have a loved one who has been arrested, the best way to beat the disorientation, distress, and hopelessness is knowing how “the system” works and having the criminal defense team at Schulze Law on your side. Don’t delay and call us today to discuss your case.
How can families cope with the incarceration of a loved one? Trying to figure out what to do and where to start can feel overwhelming. Here are some steps to take to help if you and your loved ones are going through this situation.
Here’s a great list from Wiki on How To Deal With a Loved One Going to Jail:
Stay in the moment.
If you start to think about all the years ahead without the person you love in your life, you’ll likely get overwhelmed. Instead, take it one day at a time, dealing with what each day brings you. Your body, mind and spirit may be struggling. So just focus on today, and How to Deal With a Loved One Going to Prison
Make a plan and a budget.
If the person you loved provided part of the income for your household, you’re going to need to consider other options. Take a look at your budget to see what is necessary for you to survive. Jail can be expensive for those on the outside. From making phone calls to buying items at the commissary, your loved one will need money to help. Costs can add up quickly. Set a budget of how much you think you can reasonably spend per month, and stick to it.
Take care of yourself.
This is a grieving process. You’re losing someone important in your life, and it’s important to grieve that person. But don’t forget you still need to take care of yourself. Try to sleep on a regular schedule, eat healthy meals, exercise and manage your stress.
Decide how often you can visit.
Most jails limit how often you can visit. Decide how often you will be able to visit, so you and your loved one will know what to expect.
Make a plan about how you want to tell people.
It can be difficult to decide how much to tell other people. Try to be consistent in what you say. It’s a personal decision on how you want to handle it.
Think about what you want to tell your children
. One of the difficult decisions you may face when someone is imprisoned is what to tell the children. This is your decision but it is widely acknowledged that children cope better when you are honest with them about what has taken place and where their loved one has gone. Be direct, and try to answer any questions they may have.How to Deal With a Loved One Going to Prison
Find out the rules of visiting ahead of time .
If possible, contact the jail so you know what to expect. For instance, you’ll likely be subjected to search. In addition, some jails only allow video conferencing, so you may not be able to actually hug the person. Most jails minimize physical contact, limiting it to a short hug at most. Knowing what to expect can take some of the tension out of it.
Use calming techniques.
Visiting someone in jail is stressful. If you find yourself anxious, try some calming techniques. .
Don’t be surprised if the person lashes out.
Being in jail is scary for everyone, and they may be afraid she’s losing you, too. Plus, they’re having to create a new life in a tense situation. Try to be understanding, but don’t let the person walk all over you, especially since you’re having a tough time, too.
Have support afterwards.
Seeing your loved one in jail is going to be hard, and the whole experience of visiting a jail isn’t going to be fun.
Join a group.
Many communities have support groups for people who find themselves with loved ones in jail. You might be able to find one through the court system. You can also try contacting local psychologists’ offices to see if they know of any groups.
Try a grief counselor.
If a group setting isn’t for you, try a few one-on-one sessions with a grief counselor..
Set aside guilt.
You may feel guilty that your loved one is in jail while you are not. Remember, that you did not make the same choices they did to land in jail, and all you can do now is support them.
Create a new “normal.”
For awhile, your life is going to feel out of whack. With someone you love suddenly gone from your day to day life, you may feel a little lost. However, if you can just keep working through it, you’ll readjust to life without them, and life won’t feel so strange. Nothing is going to be normal for quite some time because what you are going through is not “normal.” As time moves forward, you will adjust and experience a new “normal”.
Tell people what you need
— people will not know how to relate to your loss. Be specific about your wants and needs. Ask for help.
When someone you love goes to jail, it can have a massive impact on your life. You may have to grieve the loss of that person in your day-to-day life, as well as deal with any extra struggles his or her loss brings. You have to learn to navigate the maze of the criminal justice system and visiting the person in jail. It’s an extremely tough process but, you can learn to create a new life for yourself while your loved one is gone.
9 Basic rules to write a letter to an inmate for penpals
There is a new trend to have an inmate pen pal relationship nowadays. But there are a few things you need to remember.
You will need to find someone with common interests so that you can have something to build on in the conversation.
it could be encouraging for people behind bars that are isolated from society
Please make sure you choose an inmate with the same expectations as you. You don’t want to pick someone who is looking for a romantic relationship if you are not interested in that as well.
It could be an inspiration to establish a pattern for people on their recovery that are getting back to society
Basic rules to get an inmate pen pal
.-Finding a place like www. theinmatepenpal.com on internet. There are quite a few inmate registries on the internet that provide profiles of inmates who are interested in finding a pen pal. Spend some time reading through the available profiles to find someone you would like to get to know.You can check on some inmate penpal links HERE or HERE
2-Introduce yourself. Tell them who you are and why are you are writing them.Your first letter is an introduction, so treat it as such. What would you tell a person you just met? Tell your pen pal those same things.
3.-Write a simple greeting. Before you get into the main content of the letter, take a little bit of time to say hello, mention you are excited to be writing, and wish them well. You could write, “How are you doing today?” or “I hope this letter finds you well.” or “ It’s nice to meet you through letters!
A greeting helps the reader transition into the letter rather than immediately diving into all the details you plan to share with them. For instance, think of the letter as a conversation, except that for now you are the only one talking. You wouldn’t start a conversation with immediately telling some a bunch of information without greeting them first
Use their name. You don’t need to repeat their name a bunch of times throughout the letter, but definitely use their name specifically in the greeting. Also , You might also mention their name one other time later on in the letter.
Keep it friendly.You should also mention your own name early on in the letter, even though it may already be on the envelope. This way you complete the introduction and greeting
4.-Tell them some basics about yourself.
Age, sex, and location (not necessarily your address) are a good place to start because these give the person an idea of who you are.
This is a good pattern in How do you write a letter to inmate pen pal? You can expand from this point by mentioning things like your grade or occupation. For instance,, who is in your family, and a couple characteristics about you. Like you enjoy laughing, you hate math homework or your religious affiliation.
Don’t go too personal asking questions about the reasons of incarceration on your first letter, even if you are curious. That could be a red flag for them because they don’t know you
Share some special moments: a vacation, a job promotion, some local news, a new pet, your town, a personal project, etc
5.-Remember to use all precautions.Be safe. If you are young, talk to your parents before writing and especially before revealing personal information.In the initial conversation don’t reveal your address, phone number, job, wife and relative names etc.
6.-Mention how you found them. You most likely used a www.theinmatepenpal.com , so it is always good to tell the person where you got their information from. You could also include at this point whether you have written to other people, how long you have been using this service or mention why you chose them to write to.
If you saw specific information in their profile that made you want to write to them, you could mention that and tell why it sparked your interest. Tell them what your relationship to that thing is and ask them to tell you more about it.
7.-State a specific purpose you have for writing. You may be seeking a pen pal for a specific reason. Like meet a new friend, like learning a new language or learning about a new culture, so tell the person this. Maybe you are just looking for someone to talk to, or you are moving into a new stage in life and want some encouragement. It can be good to let the person know your intentions for your relationship.
Don’t come on too strong by telling them you are really lonely and just need someone to listen. Even if you feel that way, telling them will probably make them uncomfortable and they may not write back to you.
8.-Eventually use technology for communication You can also use a company to email them of video visit like www.jpay.com to make your life easier
9–Write a closing to your inmate . You have several options for how to close a letter. However, but for pen pals it is good to thank the person for their time reading your letter. However, ydon’t necessarily want to end the letter by saying, “Please write back,” or “I look forward to hearing from you,” . It will looks like as this may make them feel obligated. Simply thank them for taking the time to read your letter and tell them to have a nice day.
Be sure to sign your name at the end. For instance, be sure to address the inmate with his name and your name on the letter as well .
Please follow all the security protocols as well. So this question” How do you write a letter to inmate pen pal? ” would be in the safest way, following the proper safety procedures, as possible,as well for you
Try to leave an inspirational message.
Remember, make it interesting. Be cautious with your personal information, follow up with him, and follow a friendly letter format. You are talking to another human being with emotions as well.
Maybe you should consider support prison inmate using penpal.
Many people develop pen pal relationships with prison inmates.. We see them over and over in youtube videos and tv shows. New people each day are starting to send letters to inmates, trying to reach out and offer friendship to the people locked away who are often lonely and seek companionship.
Just like with any pen pal, there are certain things to keep in mind when writing to a prison inmate.
Method 1 Writing to Someone You Know
1 Write to someone you already know.
If you know someone who is currently serving time in prison, consider writing to them to see .After that, chech if they would be interested in corresponding with you.
Try reaching out by saying something like, “I was wondering if you would be interested in corresponding with me while you’re there. I would like to send you some letters, if that is alright with you.”
Consider writing to any family members or other loved ones who is incarcerated.
Remember that they may not want to correspond with you and that’s okay. It’s their choice.
2 Figure your reasons for writing.
If you want to write to someone who is incarcerated, make sure you only have good intentions for doing so. Receiving letters can be a great way to life an inmate’s spirits.Therefore,it keep them hopeful while they are serving their time. However, if you really only want to write them to tease them or make them feel guilty for being locked up, that is a selfish reason.In contrast, you might actually end up doing more harm than good.
Only write to a prison inmate that you know if your intentions are positive and helpful.
Also keep in mind that there are restrictions about what you can write about to inmates. However,you absolutely can’t write to a prison inmate with the intent to blackmail them.In contrast, this will definitely get you into some trouble. You also can’t include any contraband items, like nude photos. You can check several inmates HERE
3 Find the inmate’s mailing address.
In order to write to any inmate, you’ll need to get their mailing address at the prison. You can contact the prison to ask for a specific inmate’s address.For instances, they will normally release that information to you.
Additionally, you could get in contact with other family members or close friends of the inmate to see if they already have the inmate’s address.
When you address the envelope, be sure to write legibly and include all of the required information.For instances ensure your letter is delivered. The address will probably include the inmate’s correctional facility identification number.Therefore, you’ll need to include that as well.
4 Tell them personal stories about your life
In your letters, send the inmate updates about things that are happening in your life.Additionally,add things you know they would be interested to hear about. Remember that they might feel like they are missing out, so having this connection to the outside world could be a very positive thing for them during their incarceration.
Tell them about significant events in your life like birthdays and graduations. Let them know how your social and family life is going .For instances if you are dating someone new or a funny anecdote about how your friend is driving you crazy.
There are quite a few inmate registries on the internet that provide profiles of inmates who are interested in finding a pen pal.Like theinmatepenpal.com .Spend some time reading through the available profiles to find someone you would like to get to know.
Try to find someone with common interests so that you can build on in conversation.
Make sure you choose an inmate with the same expectations as you. You don’t want to pick someone who is looking for a romantic relationship if you are not interested in that as well.
2 Get involved in some kind of program.
Many prisons offer inmate assistance programs of various kinds that you can become involved in.These programs are designed to benefit the inmates.Therefore,it help them to use their time productively while incarcerated.
Some such programs provide educational or tutoring support for inmates.
3 Make sure the addresses are crystal clear.
Print your name and address on the envelope neatly. You should do this also in the body of the letter in case something happens to the envelope. Make sure the inmate’s name, address, and inmate ID are clearly legible as well.
To make sure mail does not get lost, put your pen pal’s last name and correctional I.D. number on the back of each page or picture.
4 Introduce yourself.
In the first letter, give some basic background information about yourself. You can describe your hobbies, interests, or a small personal description. Be sure not to include anything too personal.
Introduce yourself just as you would to any person you are meeting for the first time.
You can also give some words of encouragement and respond to things in their personal ad .For instances like their love of arts, music band, and reading for example.
5 Be cautious about releasing personal information.
In contrast of how close you become with your pen pal, remember that they are in prison for a reason. However,Unless you know them well (from real life or otherwise), be cautious .In other words, pay attention about providing them with any personal information.
Additionally be picky about yourself or your family.
Consider using a post office box or mailbox, rather than a home mailing address.Therefore when writing to your inmate pen pal you feel safer.
Limit what personal information you include in your letters. You can send plenty of stories and details without sending information that might compromise your personal security.
Method 3 Continuing the Correspondence
1 Try to be honest and cheerful to prisoner.
Remember to be open and honest, but to keep a level-head. These inmates are not objects for amusement; they are human beings. If you choose to contact them, you should treat them with courtesy and respect .In other words, do it regardless of what they are incarcerated for.
You should be kind when you support prison inmate using penpal
Treat your inmate pen pal with as much kindness and courtesy as you would anyone else in your life.
2 Ask questions.
Give inmates pen pal something to respond to by asking them questions in your first letter. This will help break the ice .In other words,it makes them feel more comfortable corresponding with you.
Try asking them about their hobbies, interests, favorite music, favorite books, etc.
Steer clear of more serious questions until later in the relationship.For instances, questions about their possible criminal offenses (what they are incarcerated for). Check here for more support
3 Be patient.
Don’t freak out if you do not get a reply right away. Remember that mail is slow for prison inmates and most prisons only give inmates mail on certain dates in the month. The inmates are very happy to receive contact from the outside world.It’s important to be providing support to prison inmate using penpal.
For instances, because you do not get an immediate response does not mean they don’t want to talk to you.
Since prisoners’ email must be thoroughly screened before being distributed, therefore can often take much longer than regular mail.
4 Research the prison’s guidelines.
If you decide you would like to send a gift to a prisoner, be sure to find out the prison’s policy.In other words, be clear on prisoners receiving gifts. Most prison systems have websites that you can search that will provide you with the information regarding what is permitted.
Try to watch your language in your letters and anything else you send to the jail. Prisons frown on overt inflammatory language, and some strictly forbid it.However, it feels great to be providing support to prison inmate using penpal , letter and positive messages
Do not send unapproved gifts, information about other inmates, or any other unauthorized items. This would create problems for the prisoners.
Check with the inmate you are writing .For instances, verify with the prison’s official guidelines before sending any items.In contrast, check what are you missing.
Make sure you follow any special mailing guidelines that may be required for inmate mail. Again, this information should be listed on the prison’s website.
5 Remember special occasions.
Birthdays can be a lonely time, so try sending a card or a special birthday letter. Remembering a prisoner on their birthday can have a great impact.Additionally You can find their birth date on their personal ad, if they have one.
Try sending a greeting card. Greeting cards can be a great way to make someone feel special. Additionally you can find so many friendship cards to send a “hello.”
All of these small tips will certainly help you out to Support prison inmate using penpal. Good luck!
After Marrying Her Prison Pen Pal, This Woman is Sharing Inmates Inmates’ Writing. Suzie Jennings acted nervous when she met her husband for the first time.She was getting married to a prisoner. She sat and waited for him to appear, obsessively picking her nails and fixing her hair. This first date got the same air of tense anticipation.
For instances, as any other—except for the metal detectors and intimidating security guards. These guards allowed her to hug her long-distance love twice.For instances, once at the beginning of the visit and once at the end. They could hold hands, but only from across the table.
Jennings, 33, met Steven, 44, through a prison pen pal website in 2013. He is serving a 43-year sentence for first degree assault and won’t be released until 2032. They got married for four years.
However, Jennings lives in , Utah, and Steven is housed in a Corrections Center in Washington.
After a year of mailing love letters , they decided to create a blog to.After that they could document their relationship.
Then Jennings saw how meaningful it was to write from the outside world. Therefore she created an Inmate Blogger.Therefore a platform for incarcerated men and women to publish their writing.
“Just having their voice heard is a big impact on them,” Jennings tells Broadly. She strives to make the blog a place of positivity voice. Amid the overwhelming negativity of prison life she overcame it. The blog gets more than 280 contributors and receives more than 13,000 views monthly.You can find inmates with similar profile HERE
This became a popular blog. However, she married a prisoner. Them she changed her perspective how different lives come together. For sure this is an unusual love story about a person getting married to a prisoner .
Ex mel cibo reque admodum, cu duo verterem intellegebat, tale prompta te pri. Et justo vivendo commune eos, no sit adipisci disputationi. In viris laudem vix, vel ei mutat commune expetendis, pro ex solum.
Remember that writing a letter to a prisoner is the basic first step of any kind of prison support. It’s how we connect: over difference, over space, and over prison walls.
If you are thinking of becoming pen pals with a prisoner and are looking for more information, then you have come to the right place. Our complete guide in the” inmate pen pal.com” will tell you everything you need to know.
Prisoners often identify isolation as the most debilitating part of a prison sentence. However, a prison correspondence can often provide much more than emotional support. When a prisoner receives mail at mail call, it indicates to the guards and other prisoners that someone outside is paying attention.When that happens will be noticed. It has a tangible impact on reducing violence and administrative harassment.
When you are developing a correspondence, you are able to help connect a prisoner with the world outside and help link them to resources, education, and community support not reachable in prison..
What can you expect
Before committing to becoming a penpal, there are a few issues to think about. We have put together a set of Expectations and Guidelines to establish communication with people interested in maintaining a certain relationship. Somehow we will review them periodically. It outlines a few things to keep in mind as you consider getting involved in our project, and we ask that you read it over before you begin. If you want to check some of our profiles, please click HERE If you still have questions after reading it, also check out our
Commit to a friendship
Please only initiate correspondence with the individual if you want to commit to corresponding. Do it on a more or less longer-term basis. For many prisoners serving long, receiving enthusiastic letters from someone promising to correspond regularly. However, failing to follow up with further correspondence can be incredibly disappointing and disheartening. You need to be Providing support to inmates. If you want to provide spiritual support for inmates click HERE. This need not be an intense time commitment. For instances, letters can be as long or as short as you want them to be. Please be upfront about the regularity that you will be able to write. If it’s only once a month, say so. Don’t make promises at the risk of creating false hope, and be clear with your level of commitment.
Ask in your first letter how discreet you should be. Your penpal is going to know best what they need to keep themselves safe. Even if the precautions they tell you seem silly or arbitrary, it’s important that you follow their guidelines.
Don’t assume someone is out just because of their posting. People will check your incoming mail more thoroughly than outgoing. Additionally they may have entirely changed prisons since submitting it and now find themselves in a different environment.
If your penpal has a chosen name that is different from the legal name they are incarcerated under, address the envelope using the first initial and last name of the legal name and ask in the first letter how you should address it in the future.
Check-in with them on your first letter and ask whether or not it is okay to send them resources, materials, etc, that are gay, queer, trans, or HIV themed or focused.
One of the best ways of staying safe is to minimize and control the amount of personal information that you give to a prisoner. If you give out your full name and the town or city where you live, then you are very easily traceable. If you are considering writing to a prisoner then it would be prudent to be extra careful.
Don’t get sucked into the charm… they just might be very good writers that may sweep you off your feet
Don’t give the names of your husband, boyfriend, or children until you feel comfortable. Our pen pals don’t know what our husband, children, the family does for a living and I’ve been writing one for 5 yrs. I also will never send a photo of my husband, just in case.
At the very minimum, you should use a PO Box to protect your anonymity and it is also may be advisable to use a pseudo name. If you cannot afford this service, then some churches may receive mail on your behalf if you explain the circumstances. But again, use only your first name bearing in mind that some prison rules may prevent inmates from sending mail out to just a first name.
When you first write to a prisoner be open and honest about the reasons why you are looking for a pen pal, to who is serving a jail term. Also, put the boundaries in place so that your friendship can develop successfully.
Just in case you don’t want a relationship or any sexual content in their letters, then make it clear. If you don’t want to send them anything or talk on the phone, make that clear as well.
If you know they are in a relationship and you are just the penpal, respect that and don’t overstep the boundaries… even if HE/SHE is willing to overstep the boundaries… (explicit letters, phone sex, flirting…)
If your pen pal crosses these boundaries be polite but firm and let them know they have crossed a line. And if they continue to do so then you will stop writing to them immediately.
4 tips for communication with inmates
1) In the experiences I’ve had I’ve always used a PO box. I just never wanted to give a home address to someone I’m in the process of meeting and getting to know.
2) It’s better to not give too many personal details about yourself until you are comfortable with the person.
3) I let them tell me about why they are incarcerated, I never ask unless they bring it up.
4) I never send money unless they are well known and I am comfortable with them.